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LIGHTER MOOD: My Lord, Tell Me Where To Keep Your Bribe



*Prof Niyi Osundare*   boldly lampoons and ridicules Judges And NJC in an illustrative poetry entitled:        *My Lord, Tell Me Where To Keep Your Bribe* 

A lovely piece of poem by a blunt and courageous poet that will make your day….  

*“My Lord, Tell me Where to Keep your Bribe.*

A poem by Prof. Niyi Osundare.

Do I drop it in your venerable chambers

   Or carry the heavy booty to your immaculate mansion

Shall I bury it in the capacious water tank

    In your well laundered backyard

Or will it breathe better in the septic tank

     Since money can deodorize the smelliest crime

Shall I haul it up the attic

    Between the ceiling and your lofty roof

Or shall I conjure the walls to open up

    And swallow this sudden bounty from your honest labour

Shall I give a billion to each of your paramours

    The black, the light, the Fanta-yellow

They will surely know how to keep the loot

     In places too remote for the sniffing dog

Or shall I use the particulars

     Of your anonymous maidservants and manservants

With their names on overflowing bank accounts

     While they famish like ownerless dogs

Shall I haul it all to your village

     In the valley behind seven mountains

Where potholes swallow up the hugest jeep

     And Penury leaves a scar on every house

My Lord

     It will take the fastest machine

Many, many days to count this booty; and lucky bank bosses  

     May help themselves to a fraction of the loot

   My Lord

     Tell me where to keep your bribe?

My Lord

     Tell me where to keep your bribe?

The “last hope of the common man”

     Has become the last bastion of the criminally rich

A terrible plague bestrides the land

     Besieged by rapacious judges and venal lawyers

Behind the antiquated wig

     And the slavish glove

The penguin gown and the obfuscating jargon

     Is a rot and riot whose stench is choking the land

Behind the rituals and roted rigmaroles

     Old antics connive with new tricks

Behind the prim-and-proper costumes of masquerades

      Corruption stands, naked, in its insolent impunity

For sale to the highest bidder

    Interlocutory and perpetual injunctions

Opulent criminals shop for pliant judges

     Protect the criminal, enshrine the crime

 And Election Petition Tribunals

     Ah, bless those goldmines and bottomless booties!

Scoundrel vote-riggers romp to electoral victory

     All hail our buyable Bench and conniving Bar 

A million dollars in Their Lordship’s bedroom

     A million euros in the parlor closet

Countless naira beneath the kitchen sink

     Our courts are fast running out of Ghana-must-go’s*

The “Temple of Justice”

     Is broken in every brick

The roof is roundly perforated

     By termites of graft

 My Lord

     Tell me where to keep your bribe?

Judges doze in the courtroom

     Having spent all night, counting money and various “gifts”

And the Chief Justice looks on with tired eyes

     As Corruption usurps his gavel.  

Crime pays in this country

     Corruption has its handsome rewards

Just one judgement sold to the richest bidder

     Will catapult Judge & Lawyer to the Billionaires’ Club

The Law, they say, is an ass

     Sometimes fast, sometimes slow

But the Law in Nigeria is a vulture

     Fat on the cash-and-carry carrion of murdered Conscience

Won gb’ebi f’alare

     Won gb’are f’elebi**

They kill our trust in the common good

     These Monsters of Mammon in their garish gowns

Unhappy the land

     Where jobbers are judges

Where Impunity walks the streets

     Like a large, invincible Demon

Come Sunday, they troop to the church

     Friday, they mouth their mantra in pious mosques

But they pervert Justice all week long

 And dig us deeper into the hellish hole

Nigeria is a huge corpse

     With milling maggots on its wretched hulk

They prey every day, they prey every night

     For the endless decomposition of our common soul

My Most Honourable Lord

     Just tell me where to keep your bribe.

 Large, extremely tough bags used for carrying heavy cash in Nigeria

They declare the innocent guilty

They pronounce the guilty innocent.”

*Bamidele Badejo


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Osun-Osogbo Festival: Govt working to improve, ensure cleaner Osun River- Official



The Osun Government says it is working on de-polluting and improving the Osun River to be cleaner and safer for drinking by residents, especially the Osun River goddess devotees.

Mr. Abiodun Bankole-Ojo, State Commissioner for Culture and Tourism,  highlighted this on Friday while addressing journalists at the grand finale of the annual Osun-Osogbo Festival in Osogbo.

According to him, Osun State Governor, Ademola Adeleke, has already set up a special committee,  comprising the state Ministries of Water Resources and that of Environment, toward ensuring that the Osun River is free from pollution.

He said though the state government was working to clean, and ensure the water is potable, devotees believe that the water cures them, irrespective of its colour, state, or appearance.

“The governor is concerned about the safety of the water, and he has set up a special committee,  headed by the Ministry of Water Resources and Environment, to ensure the pollution is removed.

“If you look at the water now, it is far much better than last year, and I am assuring you that by next year, it will be much more better.

“Our people believe drinking this water cures them. Even though we don’t want poison added to what our people drink, we know that practically and technically,  nobody can stop devotees from drinking it.

“We will, however, do our best to improve the quality of the water,” he said

Speaking on the Osun-Osogbo Festival,  the commissioner said the festival is the source of the Osogbo people, and by extension, the Osun people, as the state derived its name from the Osun River.

“Osun State derives its name from the Osun River, while the Osun River is the home of the Osun goddess, the goddess that the people, (devotees) are coming to worship.

“Gov. Adeleke has, however, put so much into the festival, to ensure the groove is accessible,  beautiful and usable.

“We are putting a lot of effort into making the festival great, spiritually,  socially, and in terms of tourism culture, ” he said. 

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Adekunle Gold’s music most streamed in U.S., Nigeria, UK – Spotify



Adekunle Gold

Spotify, an online streaming platform, says Adekunle Gold’s music has been observed to be mostly streamed in the U.S. in the last 28 days.

Phiona Okumu, Spotify’s Head of Music for Sub-Saharan Africa, disclosed this in a statement in Lagos.

Okumu also said Nigeria is the second nation where the artiste’s music is most streamed followed by the United Kingdom.

She said the data was released in celebration of Adekunle’s grand success as he released his 18-track album, “Tequila Ever After”, on July 28.

According to her, the album features  Adekunle’s released tracks like ‘Party No Dey Stop’ featuring Zinoleesky;  “Omo Eko”, “Do You Mind”? and ”Ogaranya”

“Spotify data shows that fans are already loving the releases, with Party No Dey Stop landing as his fifth most streamed track of all times, just four months after its release.

“It is also the most exported track globally among 18-35 year-olds, followed by High, the Davido-featured track.

*Adekunle Gold

“There is no doubt that Adekunle is well-loved in Nigeria, after all, his single “Omo Eko” is a love letter to Lagos, his native city.

“Interestingly though, Spotify data over the last 28 days shows that the United States is streaming his music the most.

“Nigeria is second, followed by the United Kingdom. AG Baby, as he is also known, just announced a U.S. and UK tour starting in September.

”So, it’s likely that the listeners in these two countries are streaming in readiness for the tour,” she said.

Okumu noted that a true testament to Adekunle’s growth over the years could be seen in his streaming numbers.

She revealed that Adekunle’s first track to hit 10 million streams was “Something Different”, one year and four months after it was released.

She hinted that “Party No Dey Stop” already had 20 million plus streams on Spotify and it only took a little over four months after release.

“Adekunle Gold is constantly reinventing himself, which is what makes a great artiste. We have seen the growth from his first album, “Gold to Tequila Ever After”,  where he samples a variety of genres, but still stays true to himself.

“We are excited to continue supporting artistes such as Adekunle on their journey to conquering the global stages,” she said

According to Okumu, collaborations within the music industry serve as a way to merge fan bases, hence, increasing a song’s chances of success.

She said Adekunle is no stranger to collaborations as four out of his five top-streamed songs on Spotify were collaborations.

“For Tequila Ever After, he has tapped his wife and fellow artiste Simi, fast-rising star Odumodublvck, American artists Pharell Williams, and Khalid among others, proving that this is an album for all music lovers.

“When it comes to playlisting, his songs appear in over two million user-generated playlists, with “High” being the most popular song on playlists.

“Surprisingly, males between the age of 23 – 27 are the ones streaming his music the most according to Spotify.

“Adekunle Gold’s Tequila Ever After is now available to stream on Spotify,” she said.

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LIGHTER MOOD: E no too far o…!




E no too far joo

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